2018 and it’s (still) cuffing season, y’all! The temperature’s dipping, winds are howling, hot chocolate’s boiling, and there’s a naked, deeply satisfied person snuggling up next to you in bed.
Tired but wide-awake? Can’t bear yet another conversation about Black Mirror? Struggling between craving romance and the ability to do whatever the f*@# you want? Reminiscing those fries you smelled earlier?
Never fear, Canned Delights™ are here.
Canned Delights™: Everything you crave post-nookie in a can. It’s cold. Don’t get out from under those covers. Just reach underneath your bed and pull out your Canned Delights™.
Packaged in sets of threes, Canned Delights™ offer something for everyone:
Our Lady Cans include earplugs, king-size candy bars, prepaid Seamless gift cards, a book from Oprah’s Book Club, inspirational journals, condoms for Round #2, and more. Mix and match to create a set that fits your needs!
Our Man Cans are more minimalistic, with each can featuring a short note: “You just got the one thing you’ve been craving more than anything. Get some sleep, bruh.”
Select packages include Surprise Cans with peanut butter & jelly sandwiches (with the crusts cut off), a steak, or an iPad playing whatever big game is on.
Single? Don’t worry, Canned Delights™ aren’t exclusively for the sex-havers of the world. There’s something for you, too, after you watch that Netflix documentary on orca whales!
Choose from a fun variety of stickers, body pillows, and mini globes (because you really do have the whole world at your fingertips).
True romance is loving yourself. Who needs candlelight when you’ve got Canned Delights™?
(Also coming soon to vending machines in college dorms near you)