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Frigid winds. Vortexes. Rashy skin. Cuffing season’s in full swing, y’all.
But this year’s different. It’s a new year featuring a brand new you.
2019’s the year you’re gonna make it, right? You’ll conquer the world just by being yourself. You’re focusing on self-care, self-actualization, self-optimization. You’ve looked up what “glow up” means and you’re about to do it.
Sure, we’re 5 weeks into the year so you’ve probably had a few slip-ups. Everyone does. That’s what the whole failure leading to success thing means.
And it doesn’t help that life’s hard. Like, the other day when your coworker mentioned Valentine’s Day’s coming up and you stuffed your thoughts down with office birthday cake. And how’re you supposed to get anything done when it’s 6 degrees outside? Sometimes, quietly, under the covers, you think, maybe the stress of being your best and being alone are just too much.
Well, friend. Let me tell you about DevilDateTM.
DevilDate is the dating app that lets you be your worst. That’s right, stop trying so hard. Just be who you are, it’s easy now!
“Don’t be done with dating. Be undone. Because true love lets you be your worst.”
Step 1
Download DevilDate from your phone’s App store for $16.66.
Step 2
Create your profile. Start by uploading a photo of yourself when you wake up in the morning. No filters, please.
Step 3
Fill out your bio. Everyone’s bio is split into two parts:
“Dids”: Let your worst moments shine.
“I used to root for Wile.E.Coyote.” “Once, I replaced my ‘bff’s’ shampoo with Nair.” “Ugh I love telling people bad news, all that attention.” “I cheated on my ex for 2 years – she still doesn’t know.” “I don’t let people off the subway before I get on.”
“Feels”: What are you passionate about?
“If I’m mad, I’m never going to speak to you and you’ll just have to guess why I’m mad.” “I really enjoy playing Devil’s Advocate.” “Irregardless is a real word.” “I’m totally not a flirt. I’m just super friendly and people are attracted to me.” “On Mondays, I text my friends ‘Happy Monday.’”
And so forth.
Step 4
Get matched! DevilDate runs on a points system. The worse your Dids and Feels, the more points you’re rewarded. People are matched with similar scorers, to ensure you’re never given more than you can handle.
Step 5
Keep doing you! Flaunt your flaws! One day, when your bae’s best friend tells him, “Man, your woman’s the devil,” he’ll look over at you and smile fondly. “Yes. Yes she is.”
Don’t be done with dating.
Be undone. Because true love lets you be your worst.
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