Sometimes your job, your life, or your country doesn’t turn out the way you expected. Welcome to These United Scrapes, a weekly news* column that explores our country’s last remaining asset: Its silliness.

Narrated by Soné Anandpara, a fictional news & culture reporter in New York City.

New posts go up every Monday. Start from the beginning and join the ride! Follow (the real) Soné on Instagram or reach out here.

All illustrations on this website are by Alex Bull.

*All stories are purely fictional in the name of satire. Please refer to the First Amendment before suing me. With the exception of public figures, all characters’ names are invented. Any overlap with real names is coincidental with no intended malice.