Casting Call: Eternal Optimist
September 7, 2020 | New York, NY
Are you a glass half-empty or glass half-full kind of person? Or, are you just thrilled to have a glass? If you’re the latter, we’re looking for you.
Here at CNN, it’s come to our attention that many of our viewers see us as the harbinger of doom. We don’t feel great about this. But doomful times lead to doomful news, so we’re sprinkling some joy into our broadcasts.
That’s where you come in.
Were you voted “Most Likely to Make People Feel Like Their Best Selves” in your high school yearbook? Have you been told you radiate sunshine wherever you go? Do you have a cursive tattoo on your pinky that says, “Things will get better”? (Do you read that tattoo aloud to your friends?)
Were you voted “Most Likely to Make People Feel Like Their Best Selves” in your high school yearbook? Have you been told you radiate sunshine wherever you go? Do you have a cursive tattoo on your pinky that says, “Things will get better”?
Join us at CNN. As we cover a nation grappling with a virus it doesn’t fully believe in, an escalating fight for racial justice, and a political battle between two old men for America’s leaky gut, sit next to us. As correspondents like Anderson Cooper, Jake Tapper, and Chris Cuomo wrap up their segments, you’ll get to remind viewers that everything’s going to be okay. From now until Election Day, we’re offering you five minutes of daily fame on live TV – in hopes you’ll also help our ratings go up.
Share that Instagram video of a baby cuddling with a Golden Doodle. Tell us how life is about the simple things, like the smell of freshly baked muffins. Read your gratitude journal aloud. Quote Oprah. Even better, quote Oprah quoting Maya Angelou.
No, you don’t need prior journalism experience. We’re looking for someone who really, truly believes in world peace and, of course, has good posture. Bonus points if you have a voice that can lull viewers to sleep, away from today’s harsher realities.
Come be the new face of CNN!
People are going to love you, because they need you – almost as much as we do.