A Letter from Soné | April 2020

I have spent every second of the past twenty-something years trying to get out of plans. As my parents tell it, I “cried too much” as a baby – a conclusion that feels highly unfair, seeing that I didn’t want people looking at me. I just wanted to sleep.

I’m proud to say this quality has held up over the years. I’ve memorized the size any handbag needs to be to carry a paperback book, a list of excuses to dodge happy hour (“Sorry, doing my fifth load of laundry this week!”), and a list of powerful introverted women I can cite in case of the occasional side eye.

All that to say, when New York City entered lockdown mode in light of our latest supervillain (see: COVID-19), I realized: I’ve been training for this my whole life. I’ve arrived at the only Olympics I’ll ever be qualified to compete in and am going for gold.

Here’s how I get it done:

Rise and Shine!

What time do you wake up in the morning? 6AM? 9AM? It doesn’t matter – you don’t have anywhere to be. I suggest looking outside your window. See those houses, the (fewer) cars on the street, the people walking their dog?

You don’t have to talk to any of them today.

Revel in this as you shower. Allow yourself to sing the full rendition of The Police’s “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” as someone bangs on the door to hurry up. What’s your family going to do, leave? Oh right, they can’t. You may as well be happy.

As you get dressed, reconsider your power outfit. What’s your current go-to: A classic white button-down? A structured plaid blazer? Step back and ponder the merits of those fleece-lined sweatpants that never held you back in any way.

When New York City entered lockdown mode in light of our latest supervillain, I realized: I’ve been training for this my whole life. I’ve arrived at the only Olympics I’ll ever be qualified to compete in.

Slew of Early Morning Conference Calls

No more gulping down your morning coffee as you sprint between meeting rooms! Take a few sips as someone says, “Can you guys hear me?” for the fourth time and reflect on the peace that comes with not worrying about a spill.

Also, no need to silently encourage yourself to Speak Up. The beauty of conference calls is that we’re all riding the same airwave.

Speak at any volume you want. You will be heard.

Lunch

Does your normal lunchtime routine consist of picking up a bowl from a fast-food joint and shoveling protein into your mouth? Let’s put that aside for now.

I highly suggest making a menu. Whether you title it “Quarantine Meal Menu” or “Dining Options at Chez [Your Name],” write down all the meals your cupboard currently allows you to make. Then, choose one and say it out loud.

Rather than slapping together two slices of bread, saying “I will have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of iced tea in a wine glass” means you are still dining. And therefore, you are still living.

Midday Slump

There will inevitably be a moment when you start puttering around your home like a lost meerkat looking for nuts. Get your claws on that drawer you’ve been meaning to clean out for eight months. Finding that local sandwich shop rewards card (one purchase left before a free sub!) and your friend’s baby shower invitation will have you reflecting how far you’ve come as a person.

Probably not that far.

There will inevitably be a moment when you start puttering around your home like a lost meerkat looking for nuts.

Midday Slump #2

Text all your friends (including the one who now has a 2-year-old baby) and invite them to FaceTime. Do this as often as possible, while you can spend quality time with them from the comfort of your couch. This ensures that when we’re past this mess, you will 1) Come out of it a social winner; 2) Be exempt from real plans because you’ve hung out with them plenty.

And that, after all, is the real prize.

Happy Hour

Celebrate your new lifestyle with a puzzle.

Evening Into Night

Personally, I’m a huge fan of putting on some lipstick, a French music playlist on Spotify, and revisiting my “Dining Options at Chez Soné.” No subway delays or windy weather to worry about when you’re going out to dinner…to your kitchen. And because the commute back to your bed is quick, you have time for an extra episode of Netflix’s “Love Is Blind.”

As you wind down, look out the window once again. The world is still here. You still have a roof over your head and a bed to rest your head on. So, think about what song you’ll sing in the shower as you prepare to stay in all over again.

And so it goes.

Until next time,

Soné

A Letter from Soné | July 2019

When I was younger, the concept of survival seemed very important – what with all the teen movies about hot girls being mean to smart girls and the rampant myth of carrots causing cancer and the wars on terror and weapons that didn’t exist. So I carried around a copy of The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook to be prepared. At any given point in time, I knew how to escape quicksand, cure hay fever, wrestle free from an alligator, and spot someone with hiccups.

I knew it all.

Or, I thought I did.

One summer day, I walked out of my apartment and I noticed them: droplets of moisture hanging in the air waiting to attack my sense of self. My hair grew bigger and bigger and my hard-won confidence vanished. Ah, the unseen enemy: humidity.

For years after that, nothing struck more fear in my heart than a humid day. The ominous weather forecasts (91% humidity!). The fights with hair tools larger than my arm. The mascara running down my cheeks as I dramatically sobbed in front of the bathroom mirror.

And then a new book entered my life: Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. Suddenly, right in my tote, I had a military tactician whispering hauntingly strategic prose to me. Hope reappeared as I ventured out into the battlefield – nay, subway stations – of New York City.

I’m proud to say I’ve risen from the ashes of my blow dryer and conquered humidity once and for all. I’ve compiled some winning tips here to help you do the same. You can thank me later.

1. Wear a bag over your head.

“Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting,” Master Sun Tzu wrote. When you’ve got a bag over your head, there’s no fight – humid air will just waft on over to the oblivious well-coiffed person next to you. Not only will your hair stay intact, you’ll get extra protection from the sun and appear to be a purveyor of the latest trend, Trashy Chic. Win-win-win.

2. Hydrate beyond your wildest dreams.

“Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will.” Another gem. How much water do you drink on a daily basis? 6 cups? 8 cups? More than anything else in the world, humidity craves your dry locks.

Drinking 2 gallons of water a day will keep your hair hydrated and, as a perk, give your face that coveted fresh dewy look. Get your daily 2 gallons in and keep your hair yours.

Nothing struck more fear in my heart than a humid day. The ominous weather forecasts. The fights with hair tools larger than my arm. The mascara running down my cheeks as I dramatically sobbed in front of the bathroom mirror.

3. Coat your hair in olive oil.

“The whole secret lies in confusing the enemy, so that he cannot fathom our real intent.” Don’t feel like peeing every 20 minutes after following the last tip? That makes sense. Next time you step out on a humid day, drench your hair in olive oil (known for creating a lustrous shine). Moisture particles will zoom towards your head and then bam – massive grease wall. Treat yourself and use the highest quality EVOO you can find.

4. Leave town.

“The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.” I like this one because it echoes a key rule from the simple childhood game, Hide & Seek: If your enemy can’t find you, it can’t defeat you. Take a Mental Health day from work and flee the humidity for cooler climates.

5. Give up. 

“There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare.” Proof that Sun Tzu was the wisest. It’s just hair. They’re dead hair cells. 7,200 seconds a day seems like a lot of time spent on fixing the part of ourselves that’s just trying to rest in peace. We could just throw it in a bun and get some ice-cream.

This one’s my favorite.

Until next time,

Soné